This blog post was first published in Dutch on the beautiful blog site Hic & Nunc.

‘From Theano to Nikostrate: Greetings!

I heard about the madness that has befallen your husband – that he has a sex worker and that you envy him! My friend, I have known so many men who suffer from the same disease. The reason is that they are hunted by these women like game, and are lured into the trap until they lose their reason. But you are upset and troubled day and night, and you even make plans against him. My friend, don’t do it! For the virtue of a wife does not consist in watching over her husband, but in bearing burdens together. This also means that you tolerate his madness.’

Whether this letter from the Pseudoepigrapha Pythagorica is wise advice, we will discuss in a moment… But who is this Theano who gives advice to her friend Nikostrate with such authority and expertise?

When I ask my students about female ancient Greek writers, they often fall silent after Sappho. Erinna and Corinna, two other poetesses who lived around the fourth century BC, also get a mention from time to time. (There are many more, though.) Theano, on the other hand, is not a name that many people know. This Pythagorean philosopher was known in antiquity and the Middle Ages as a model of feminine virtue. Her aphorisms and letters were highly respected.

It is difficult to say who wrote the letter above – and several other letters to female friends, about adulterous men, the strict upbringing of children and humane treatment of slaves. The letters were attributed to Theano, the wife of Pythagoras in the sixth century BC. After his death, she is even said to have led his school, which probably admitted both men and women. Most scholars agree that the language used in the letters dates to the fourth century BC at the earliest – so Pythagoras’ wife is not a likely author. Just as in antiquity all kinds of hymns and epic poems were attributed to Homer, Theano also seems to have been a name with such authority and credibility that texts on ‘women’s affairs’ were attributed to her.

A misogynist woman?
Let’s leave the authorship aside for the moment. This remains a fascinating collection of texts. Letters written by and addressed to women are rare in antiquity. For a long time scholars thought that the letters must therefore have been written by men.

I understand this reasoning: time and again Theano urges her girlfriends to behave virtuously – in other words, passively – when their husbands misbehave. Nikostrate is told that she is not allowed to react when her husband starts going out again, but must behave ‘reservedly’, focusing on ‘care for the household, compassion for her subordinates and deep love for her children’. Divorce (theoretically possible in many places in ancient Greece) is not an option for Theano: ‘When you divorce him, you replace one husband with another, and if he then goes wrong in the same way, with another (because not having a husband is unthinkable for young women) – or else you remain alone, without a man, like a spinster.’

Eurydike is told about her sex-worker-visiting husband that his love for her is like listening to beautiful music that you occasionally get tired of. Another friend, Eurydike, is told about her husband, who visits sex workers, that his love for her is like listening to beautiful music that you occasionally get tired of: ‘Whenever he has had too much, he will go and live with the prostitute for a while.’ No wonder the question has been asked whether these letters were not written by men. It seems like a manual for ‘how to be a good – that is to say: passive, docile, quiet – woman in a man’s world’! But is it possible that these letters were written by one or more women?

Manne and women

In her groundbreaking 2018 book on how misogyny works, Down Girl: The Logic of Misogyny, Australian moral philosopher Kate Manne defines the function of women in a patriarchal society as ‘hers-to-give’. According to her, the expectation of women is not just that they give. (And that includes both material things, such as food, sex and ironed clothes, and immaterial things, such as emotional support, comfort and love.) That giving must always be in the service of others: primarily her husband and, where applicable, children. As long as a woman moves within these parameters, she can and may also make her voice heard. Like Theano, who presents herself as a strong woman – something we normally think the ancient Greeks were not particularly positive about – but who does speak out in favor of the status quo. Does that automatically make her a mouthpiece for the misogynist ideologies we know from Aristotle, Plato and so on?

When you read Theano’s advice to Nikostrate – focus on your household and love for your children – she seems to endorse Manne’s definition of the place of women within the patriarchy. Even when she warns Nikostrate about the fate of the old maid, she confirms the picture: because a woman without a guardian (kurios in ancient Greek) has no one to whom she can give and therefore loses her status in society. That is also why she argues that young women cannot do without a husband and why she reasons why sex workers throw themselves at married men: without a relationship with a kurios, most women are socially worthless.

The expectation of men within this dynamic, says Manne, is that they take: ‘his-for-the-taking’. In other words: if the husband wants to find pleasure with a sex worker, then that is his right. When he comes back, it is also his decision. Manne’s theory seems applicable to Theano’s image of men and women.

Slaves and children
Does she offer her friends a mindfulness-avant-la-lettre method to avoid being carried away by things they have no control over?
I think some nuance is needed. Because whoever the author of the letters was, they were certainly influenced by Pythagorean philosophy. We know Pythagoras from the mathematical theorem, but his philosophical teaching was much broader than that, and was all about harmony. In Theano’s letters we also see that concept central: cheating on husbands is formulated as an illness or insanity to which the woman must respond with steadfastness and reasonableness. Does Theano advise passivity and therefore resignation to the inferior position, or does she offer her friends a mindfulness-avant-la-lettre method to avoid being carried away by things they have no control over (the inevitable relationship with the kurios) and instead focus on the things they do have a say in (children and household)? In this way, they maintain peace and harmony in their own lives. Doing nothing can be an act of rebellion.

When we look at Theano’s views on slaves and children, we see similar advice. In a letter to her friend Kallisto, she advises treating slaves as human beings—not because she is anti-slavery, but for the sake of the mistress’s peace of mind. ‘Some slaves,’ says Theano, ‘are exhausted by work in time and cannot continue; others seek safety by running away; and some cease to live, by taking the transition to death into their own hands. Ultimately, the isolation of the mistress, who weeps over her own lack of wisdom, changes her views on the treatment of slaves.’

In contrast to Aristotle’s concept of ‘natural’ slaves, Theano argues that slaves are ‘human in nature’ and describes them with agency: when they are mistreated, they take action, even if that action is suicide. But despite this awareness of the humanity of slaves, Theano’s emphasis is not on their well-being but on the harmony of the mistress’s life: to avoid isolation in the oikos, a golden mean in life is of paramount importance.

Finally, regarding the upbringing of her children, her friend Euboule is told to ‘train them in moderation’: ‘Beware, my dear friend. Just as vines that are poorly tended bear little fruit, so children who are raised too luxuriously produce the evils of arrogance and complete worthlessness.’

Conclusion

The letter writer(s) ‘Theano’ were therefore not Margaret Thatcher or Phyllis Schlafly, women who held positions of power but who wanted to keep other women at home. I read her advice as a Pythagorean application to the lives of (a certain class of) women in (a certain historical context in) antiquity: within the misogynistic power structures of ancient Greece, she does not advise women to leave their adulterous husbands, to take out their frustration on slaves or to shower children with luxury in compensation. However, a balanced response to external problems is prescribed time and again, with the aim of maintaining or obtaining inner harmony. Not such bad advice, perhaps?